Priest Hearing Spouse's Confession?

Today, let's delve into the question of whether it is appropriate for a priest to hear confessions from their spouse. We will decipher the acceptable conditions for such a practice and explore alternative approaches in specific situations.

This topic holds particular relevance for many of our readers - especially the numerous married priests among us, and those aspiring to this sacred vocation. Frequently, circumstances unfold in a way that leaves a priest as the sole spiritual guide within a parish or its vicinity.

Permissible, although Not Universally Accepted

The prevailing sentiment among speakers and commentators is that while there isn't an official prohibition, the practice of a priest hearing his wife's confession is approached with caution, both in accordance with tradition and modern sensibilities.

The acceptability of this practice is often contingent on the specific circumstances and the dynamics of the marital relationship.

Bishop Panteleimon (Shatov): "While there are no canons explicitly forbidding a priest from hearing his wife's confession, seasoned clergy generally advise against regular occurrences. It should be reserved for instances of extreme necessity."

Father Seraphim (Krechetov): "While not a common practice due to its dependence on the circumstances of both the priest and his wife, I personally have experience with my wife confessing to me regularly. Moreover, my mother-in-law continued confessing to me until her last day. Thus, from my own journey, I can attest to its feasibility."

Archpriest Pavel Khondzinsky

Archpriest Pavel Khondzinsky: "Historically, during the Synodal period, priests were permitted to hear their wives' confessions in exceptional circumstances when no other priest was available, such as during missions or in embassy churches abroad. Emergency situations, like the risk of a priest's wife passing without confession, were also considered. However, as a general practice, it was not customary."

The Primary Objection: Not Everything Can Be Shared with a Husband

Archpriest Konstantin Ostrovsky: "It is crucial for the priest's wife to recognize that her husband, despite his spiritual standing, is still human and may not fully comprehend all her thoughts, especially her misdeeds. Even a sincerely pious wife may grapple with adulterous thoughts or temptations against her spouse. Can he bear hearing such confessions? Perhaps, by the grace of God. But is it worth the risk?"

❗️ Father Constantine cites a poignant example from his experience, where a priestly family faced disintegration after a confession involving personal struggles. The aftermath led to a shattered family, with the wife carrying the cross of an alcoholic second husband and the husband, unable to endure loneliness, abandoning the priesthood for a second marriage.

Father Constantine suggests that if the woman had chosen to confess to another priest, the family might have been preserved.

It is noteworthy that older priests tend to be more tolerant of hearing their spouses' confessions, emphasizing the uniqueness of each couple's dynamics.

Father Constantine hears the confession

Archpriest George Breyev [†2020]: "...This practice can, in fact, deepen the spiritual bond of a couple. According to a spiritual law affirmed by many Holy Fathers, the more genuine and sincere the confession of a spiritual son or daughter, revealing the depths of their fall, the stronger the love of their confessor."

⬆️⬆️⬆️

However, around half of the commentators, particularly those of middle age and younger, who have encountered such situations, express reservations or outright discourage the practice.

A cautionary viewpoint is voiced by Archpriest Victor, emphasizing the potential risks, especially at a young age. He suggests that after decades of shared life and enduring various temptations, such a practice might be possible and even beneficial. The decision, however, is personal, and a formal approach may not be suitable.

Additional Perspectives Highlighting the Sensitivity of the Topic

please read below the P.S.

Under What Conditions Is Such Confession Permissible?

Archpriest Constantine: "It is not uncommon for a priest's wife to have a brief confession with her husband before Communion, especially in single-priest parishes. However, the detailed confession of thoughts requires great discernment on the part of the wife. The initiative should come from her, provided she has sufficient trust in her husband."

Priest Sergius: "I align with the consensus that it is preferable for a priest to avoid hearing confessions from his wife unless there is an extreme need, such as when parishes are significantly distant. I, personally, hear my wife's confessions only because it is convenient for her. She places trust in me, revealing everything, and I do not pass judgment on her."

Archpriest Constantine: "While a wife may confess to her husband, she must retain the unquestionable right to seek confession or advice from another priest. Her freedom in this matter should be strictly observed. It should be ordinary and require no explanation for a priest's wife to turn to a different priest for advice or confession, distinct from her husband."

Communion, Confession, and Related Nuances

To address the situation at hand, it's crucial to acknowledge that the Russian Orthodox Church upholds the established tradition of confession before Communion, despite ongoing discussions about its relevance. This aspect is given special attention in the following insights.

Priest Paul: "While serving in a village on the outskirts, my wife, upon the bishop's blessing, would come to confession. However, she would repent of sins silently in her mind, answering only 'Yes' when I asked. Every two months, we visited the city to confess to another priest."

Archpriest Constantine: "Modern church practice often conflates the blessing for communion, confession itself, and spiritual conversation.

It's possible to bless a spouse for communion without delving into a full sacrament of confession. If a priest's wife has sins unsuitable for her husband's ears, she can name them in a general sense, avoiding details. However, if a thorough spiritual conversation is needed, potentially tempting her husband, seeking another priest, even if distant, becomes crucial."

May God's grace guide you and your families to find peace, mutual understanding, spiritual unity, and prosperity. May Almighty God protect everyone!

P.S.

Additional Perspectives Highlighting the Sensitivity of the Topic

Archpriest Demetrius: "While there are almost no official documents on this matter, common sense dictates that the union of husband and wife is described as 'one flesh' in the Gospel. In certain contests (for example, when counting the degrees of kinship) the Church treats a husband and wife not as relatives, but as a single person.

This means that a wife confessing to her priest-husband is essentially confessing to herself, which seems absurd, as confession necessitates an external 'spiritual witness' free from the intimate ties of marriage. For the same reason, I would refrain from hearing confessions also from my parents and children."

Archpriest George: "In the order of confession, the priest assumes the role of a spiritual father addressing the penitent as a spiritual child. Can the priest simultaneously be both husband and father to his wife? Can he be both father and son when hearing the confession of his parents? My matushka confessed to me only in the early days of my ministry when we lived in a village with no means to reach another church. It was a last resort. On the contrary, I often hear confessions from my children. It appears that the dynamics within the family play a significant role."

Archpriest Michael: "Why do priests generally avoid hearing confessions from their wives, children, and close relatives? The answer is clear: an individual's relationship with God holds more significance than familial ties. In the act of confession, the priest symbolizes Christ Himself, demanding utmost sincerity. Therefore, individuals trust the priest more than their closest relatives, who lack the authority to intervene in their connection with God. However, if the priest occupies the roles of a spouse or a father, he inevitably intrudes into a prohibited zone, interfering as a spouse or a father rather than a spiritual guide."