Question: Dear Father Andrew! I have a question. My husband and I got married, but I cannot say that I love him very much. Oftentimes in life it is difficult for me to understand my feelings. Still we received a blessing to get married, and I believed that it was God’s will, but always had certain doubts about it. And now I feel that I love another person, for whom I had feelings in the past. My current marriage is filled with constant conflicts and arguments and I have a feeling that we both made a huge mistake. Please tell me what should I do? Valentina.
Answer: The first thing you should do is go to confession and repent for not having enough patience, humility and a certain level of obedience in regards to your husband. Do not reminisce about your past relationships and do not idealize them. After all, you did receive a blessing from God.
You have to acknowledge that you are in a constant struggle. When you ask for a blessing from God to start an Orthodox family, the devil takes up arms and tries to destroy this blessing in any way possible. Right now you need to seek God’s help, and you will have it, if you will continue to partake of the Holy Communion, go to confession.
Most importantly you need to live up to your responsibilities – remember that you promised to be loyal to your husband in front of God! It is very sad when that bond is broken and the marriage is destroyed. This is a true tragedy. If you believe that nothing happens by chance and that God brought you and your husband together then you must try to do everything you can to ensure that sin does not separate you. Here is what I would do in your place. There are different periods in life, some very difficult, but there is a proverb: “When you have patience – then you’ll have love”. Perhaps what you need to do is endure, pray and strengthen yourself spiritually.