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Here it is in a nutshell:\u00a0If you hesitate to come to Forgiveness Vespers this Sunday because someone you are mad at might be there -someone you haven\u2019t made up with, someone you have not apologized to, someone you have not forgiven \u2013 \u00a0if you die like this, get hit by a truck or get shot on the way home (you readers who are not in the United States, please understand), you\u2019ll probably go to Hell. If there is anyone you haven\u2019t forgiven, your salvation is in danger.<\/p>\n
Because of this Sunday\u2019s Gospel (Matthew 6:14-21), the day is popularly called Forgiveness Sunday. Orthodox in the Slavic tradition normally serve Forgiveness Vespers, as do an increasing number of Greek and Antiochian Orthodox parishes. This is a beautiful way to enter Great Lent. At the end of Vespers, all come forward and one by one ask each other\u2019s forgiveness: \u201cForgive me a sinner.\u201d\u00a0![\"\"](\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/frbill\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/35\/2018\/02\/Forgiveness-ceremony.jpeg\")
\u201cForgive me a sinner.\u201d as we exchange the peace in the Orthodox way. Western Ash Wednesday is individualistic and a bit forbidding. One by one people receive the ashes and are told, \u201cRemember, O man, that you are dust and to dust you shall return.\u201d And that\u2019s the truth. It\u2019s good to remember our mortality as we begin Lent. The Orthodox entrance into Lent is communal and sweet, filled with love and forgiveness. I think it is an even better way to begin Lent.<\/p>\n
Forgiveness: \u201cIf you forgive men their trespasses your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive men their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.\u201d Is that clear enough? And it\u2019s no secret, for every day were pray this terrifying prayer: \u201cForgive\u00a0us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.\u201d Lord, if I refuse to forgive someone, please don\u2019t forgive me. Lord, if I hold a grudge against someone, please hold a grudge against me. We hear this again and again in the New Testament. Take the parable of the wicked servant who was forgiven a huge debt by his master, but who refused to forgive his fellow servant a small debt, The master was angry and had him\u00a0killed!<\/em>\u00a0And, says Jesus, \u201cso will my heavenly Father do to you if you do not forgive your brothers from your heart.\u201d (Matthew 18:35) Again is that clear enough? And it\u2019s true. God has built it into the nature of things that a hard heart can kill our immortal soul, and as we go dead on the inside, Hell can begin even on this side of death.<\/p>\n Also this Sunday before you go into Lent,\u00a0if there is anyone you have not apologized to, apologize. Say \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d. Be tough on yourself:\u00a0Say<\/em>\u00a0it, or write it, or e-mail it, or if the person is departed, ask the angels to convey the message.\u00a0Even if you think you\u2019ve done nothing wrong, if you are at odds with someone and haven\u2019t tried to make up, say: \u201cIf I\u2019ve done anything to offend you, I\u2019m sorry.\u201d For the truth is if there is someone you\u2019re not getting along with, likely you were part of the problem \u2013 even if you didn\u2019t intend it, even if you don\u2019t know what it was, even if you\u2019re too proud to consider the possibility. My experience after 53 years as a pastor is that most hurts are unintentional. It\u2019s just that people are preoccupied with their own problems or overcome by them, and we just get in the way at the wrong time. Or people mis-speak or mis-act and never notice it. I\u2019ve done a lot of counseling, I\u2019ve heard a lot of confessions, I\u2019ve done a lot of living, I\u2019ve done a lot of unintentional mis-speaking and mis-acting. And I\u2019m convinced that most of the time people who hurt each other did not mean to. The result is that both sides think that the other was in the wrong.<\/p>\n And the fact is, if you have not tried to make up you\u00a0are<\/em>\u00a0in the wrong for precisely that reason, because you haven\u2019t made it clear that you will forgive. Again, I\u2019m convinced that when people don\u2019t apologize to us, often the reason is because they\u2019re afraid if they say it they\u2019ll be rejected, afraid we\u2019ll beat \u2019em over the head with it. So make it easy for people to apologize. Be like the\u00a0father of the prodigal son who, before his son could say a word of apology, rushed out to greet him, so his son would know he would be forgiven. Be like God who has rushed out to greet us in our Lord Jesus Christ, so that before we have said even a word of repentance, we already know we will be forgiven.<\/p>\n What if the person who has hurt you never\u00a0says<\/em>\u00a0he\u2019s sorry? Then if he shows any sign of wanting to make up, any sign of being sorry, accept it as an apology. My father was like that; he just could not bring himself to say those words \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d. \u00a0But he would show it in a multitude of ways. OK, that\u2019s good enough. I wish my dad could have said it, but it was obvious he was sorry, and I wish I had more quickly accepted that as an apology, for I knew he loved me. And if you are easy with others, that will make up for the thousand times God has been easy with you, when you never told him you were sorry. Despite that, he has kept pouring out his blessings on you. Be like him. \u201cBe merciful as your Father is merciful.\u201d (Luke 6:36) Do not be like Queen Elizabeth I. She was once angry with someone and was told, \u201cBut your majesty, God has forgiven him.\u201d According to the story she replied \u201cGod may forgive him, but I never will!\u201d I hope she got over that. I mean, who do we think we are? holier than God? God forgives but we won\u2019t?\u00a0Forgive easily, quickly.<\/p>\n But what if the other person doesn\u2019t even show a sign of being sorry? What if he\u2019s done you wrong and you\u2019ve given him every opening, and he could not care less? Forgive him anyway .* I don\u2019t mean you should pretentiously, piously, say \u201cI forgive you\u201d. If he\u2019s not interested in making up, don\u2019t waste your breath on him. But if you can\u2019t forgive openly, at least forgive in your heart- not for his sake, but for yours, for the sake of your immortal soul. Because the great danger in not forgiving people, the great danger of spending your life angry at people and holding grudges, is what it will do to\u00a0you<\/em>. It will give that unrepentant rat power over you forever. It will allow him to destroy your inner spirit. It will make you miserable. It will keep you from real prayer. You\u2019ll be mouthing prayers but thinking not about God and his love but about that rotten scoundrel and how nasty he was to you. It will distract you from loving. It will corrupt and corrode your spirit, and in the end, if you don\u2019t give it up, it will destroy your soul. The hard heart, holding a grudge, is a foretaste of the misery of Hell. And if you don\u2019t forgive and let it go, finally it will turn into the Real Thing. Don\u2019t let anyone do that to you.<\/p>\n What exactly does it mean to forgive? It does not mean to forget. That\u2019s impossible to do. For as soon as we remember to forget it, we have remembered it again! When people sin against us, it is like a physical pain. If we keep digging into it, it will never heal. The solution is to take the treatment the doctor prescribes till it just goes away and you don\u2019t notice it any more. Likewise when someone sins against us, it is like a wound to the soul, so we must do what the heavenly Physician prescribes: Every time the remembrance of it rises in your heart or mind, immediately forgive, put it down, and do this again and again till finally the pain goes away. Forgiving is a process. When people come to Confession, almost always I ask, \u201cIs there anyone you have not forgiven or are not prepared to forgive?\u201d Sometimes they say, \u201cI\u2019ve tried to forgive, but I think I must not have, because it keeps coming up again. It still hurts.\u201d Then almost always I quote C.S. Lewis who wrote (I paraphrase) that when Christ told Peter to forgive 7 times 7 times, this meant for every sin. Forgive that sin again and again and again and again and again and again and again, and then keep forgiving till the pain is gone, and you\u2019ll hardly even notice when it went away.<\/p>\n Let me tell you 2 of my favorite stories about forgiveness:<\/p>\n 1. <\/strong>One Sunday Saint John the Merciful, Patriarch of 2. <\/strong>There was a\u00a0monk who had led a less than exemplary life, but nevertheless as he lay on his deathbed was happy as a clam, not worried at all. His fellow monks said: \u201cWith the kind of life\u00a0you\u2019ve led, why aren\u2019t you afraid of dying? afraid of God\u2019s judgment?\u201d The man answered, \u201cBecause I have forgiven everyone who ever hurt me, so I know God will have to forgive me.\u201d And he died a happy man.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/blogs.ancientfaith.com\/frbill\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/35\/2018\/02\/st__john_the_merciful_by_logicon-d32uqi6.jpg\")
\u00a0Alexandria, right in the middle of Divine Liturgy, remembered that there was a priest in the city who was angry at him, with whom he had not made up. And then he remembered the words of our Lord: \u201cIf you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift before the altar and go. First make peace with your brother, and then come and lay your gifts before the altar.\u201d (Matthew 5:23-24) So before the Great Entrance, before he placed the Holy Gifts on the altar, Patriarch John left the procession \u2013 I wonder how long the poor choir had to keep singing! \u2013 and he sent for his brother priest, made peace and only then did he come back to place the Holy Gifts on the altar.<\/p>\n